MineCows
by ShosheiShepard
Summary: MineCows on a darker path as they have to catch the elusive Paradigm Shift terrorist.
1. Chapter 1

**Inside the Mind of Retards**

**Chapter 1 : Julian**

It was a cold day outside in the 115 degree heat of the Coachella Valley. Julian was sitting at his computer trying to get his cohorts to quiet down for the next installment of "MineCows". In this new episode they were gonna play Minecraft...again. Julian heard a loud grumbling noise and realized it was his stomach. Julian spoke aloud to no one in particular, "Boy I sure am famished, I'll go see what is for dinner." Julian headed downstairs to the kitchen to get some food. He took the walk from his bedroom through the dark stairway and excessively hot house until he got to a dirty kitchen. His parents where there lounging around as usual. He walked in and said "Hello mother and father dearest, whats for dinner today?", the gave him a blank empty stare and said nothing. Julian didn't mind though, they never really talked anymore. Julian sat down and started eating a moldy bread and peanut butter sandwich. After he was done eating his sandwich he heard a knock at the door, he called out " l'll get it ", his parents said nothing. When he got to the door he saw a small man with glasses waiting at the door. He answered it and said "Yes, what do you need sir?" The man looked down at this boy and said "Is your mom or dad home sport?" Julian said " Yes they are in the kitchen, would you like to come in?" The man said "Yes" and walked in amazed at this young child's manners. He walked in smelt an awful repugnant smell and figured that maybe the trash had spilled on the floor. When he entered the kitchen he saw a dilapidated area covered with trash,mold, and just about anything else unhygienic and was shocked. Before he could ask where the young boy's parents were he felt a warm feeling coming from his back and tasted iron. The man lost control of his body and slumped to the ground. He looked up only to see a large object come crashing down with large force, and like that, he was dead. Julian looked at him, feeling no remorse. He was an outsider; a bad man, just like the others who wanted him to "pay the bills or check in." He looked at this mess and decided he would put him in the pile in the living room with the "others." He kissed the dirty white bones of his parents and went back upstairs, yelling at a empty screen and talking to imaginary people.


	2. Chapter 2

**Riley**

** A Underdog Story**

**Chapter 2**

Riley was enjoying a nice picnic in the park with his family. It was sunny outside and he enjoyed the nice cool day. Everything seemed to be going fine until this creature came, it was a hulking monstrosity with no face. This creature was pushing a device towards them, it made a thunderous noise and he began to scream at his family to run away but the words would not come out of his mouth. When he went to go move them himself he noticed he could move a single part of his body. Was this from sheer terror of the large mechanical device coming closer to him every passing second or was it something more sinister? Riley looked down and saw he had no arms or legs, what god would curse him with such a fate. As the machine got closer he could smell the fumes and see the blades murdering countless live on their way to him. Riley realized at this moment that he still had so much to live for, he had yet to make a family of his own, to tuck his children in at night, or to spoil his grandchildren. He new there was nothing but oblivion to greet him in the so called "great beyond". As he saw his short and pitiful life flash before his eyes as the blades of the lawn mower cut him down in his prime, his family followed soon after. As the grass clippings were thrown harshly into the back of a truck one small and lucky weed had survived. This weed had just witnessed the genocide of his people, but he would sprout others. If not for the continuation of his people then for simple revenge. In the end the gardener was taught a clear and simple lesson. If you are gonna do a job, do it right.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Tim where are you?**

"Tim was at "coding camp" learning how do Morse code. Well at least that's what Tim (last name omitted) was up to. But the real Tim, code name Tabblaster was off hunting a internationally wanted terrorist known only as "Paradigm Shift". This terrorist set off large Bio-Chemical weapons in cities to "test" their effects on the average human populace. Sacrificing countless lives in the name of science, "How noble" tab whispered to himself. Now Paradigm Shift was no ordinary man. He was cunning, ruthless, and lucky for Tabblaster, arrogant. Paradigm Shift always told the world of his target 2 days in advance saying those who stayed in the city "Do not belong in the Human Gene Pool". The target was the city of angels and with one day gone getting there it was going to be a game of catch up. Now Tabblaster knew he was going to need help. He also knew that only one man knew where to get this "help". He was going to Julian's house. To be continued...


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Julian's House**

Now getting Julian to help was going to be kind of tricky seeing as Tabblaster had killed Julian's parents five years before. When he got the household he heard screaming and something along the lines of "Minecows?". Whether Cows were mining or men were mining cows was a thought that popped into his head until he remembered what he was there for. He walked in and headed to the noise. There he saw Julian, sitting at a broken monitor screaming his head off. Tim approached silently with a sedative in his hand about to inject the semi-clear liquid into Julian's vein when a large gardener grabbed him. In an instant Tab realized it was over. This hold, which Tab recognized as one of his own, was impossible to break out of no matter how skilled he was. Julian turned around with a smile that seemed almost... Happy? He then cheerfully said " What took you so long?" Tab was stunned. His mind was racing. How had he known I was coming? Why is he so happy? Why aren't i dead? Julian noticed his confusion and exclaimed " Of course I knew you were coming, look at the news!" Tab saw the threat made by Paradigm Shift and realized that everybody in his line if work would know that the top brass would send only the best to stop this terrorist. "So you caught me, now what?" Tab uttered. Julian said "Now, now. Is that anyway to treat a friend?" Friend? Tab thought, how could he think we are friends? I murdered his parents for gods sake. Julian saw he was confused and said "What, you think killing those worthless parents of mine would make us enemies? No no, I was planning on taking them out myself until you did the job for me, quite a good one at that." Tab didn't know what to say. " But, you keep their bones down stairs. Why would you do that if you hated them?" Julian didn't know why he did actually and couldn't answer. In fact he even started to feel... sad. But as soon as it came, it was squashed down by his pure insanity. Julian laughed hardly and exclaimed that he kept them as "mementos from a different time." By now the gardener had let Tab go and left to do god knows what? "So", Julian said, " What do you need from me? Or were you just checking up?" Tab gave him the most serious look he could and said " I need... Riley." Julian smiled and said " And why would you possibly want that animal?" Tab said," Well not Riley exactly but I need information of his." "Now way", said Julian, "He never used anything but his brain of his to store information." "Damn" Tab thought, "how am I supposed to think like a madman without one." Julian looked rather triumphant even though he could not give Tab what he needed and this made Tab think there was something he was not aware of? "What are you hiding Julian, no tricks" spoke Tab rather aggressively. Julian spoke like a giddy school girl when he said " I can give you something better" Tab looked at him and said " what could be better for a psyche profile for similar terrorists than a dead mans work?" Well," Julian exclaimed, " how about the devil himself?" To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Date with the Devil**

Tab screamed "No, I saw Riley die! I killed him!" Julian laughed for a while and then finally spoke. "Men can be killed, but Evil never dies." "What do you mean?" Tab asked rather curious. "And no more games, tell me what the (profanity) is going on?" Julian for once in his insane life looked serious. "Well... I may have accidentally found a way to keep human consciousness aware after death" Tab was horrified that Riley was still alive but knew that at this moment it was a godsend. "Well where is he?" asked Tab. "He is right behind you." Julian said with glee. Tab slowly spun around to see a bag of grass. "Damn it, I said no more games Julian!" Julian said, "I'm serious, within those plants remain the genetic markers to bring Riley back as a human being." Julian asked himself if Riley was human to begin with? Julian collected the bag (you know it was more of a sack as a sack is made of heavier cloth like... never mind). Julian grabbed the "SACK" and poured the contents into a large device. Julian said some scientific jibber jabber(or maybe he was just mumbling to himself) and by the time he had finished a loud " Ding" was heard and the machine opened pouring out fumes and fog everywhere. Then suddenly a hand reached out (it should be noted that the hand was flipping everyone off) and Riley walked looking very much alive and very, very pissed off. To be continued...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
>New friends, Old enemies<p>

After enough tranquilizer to put a rhino into a coma for a week Riley was going to be knocked out for the better part of an hour. Tab decided now was a good time to start getting answers for some of his questions. First off, that gardener seemed very familiar and that hold he used... Could it be? Tab quickly ripped of the gardeners hood and finally revealed him... Err, her? It was Russia's top agent from the KSB. None other then Tab's arch-nemesis Sarah, the worlds deadliest assassin. Already Tab had more questions than answers. How was she alive. Where had she been. Why was she here. Sarah sensing he was confused decided now was a good as time as any to give him answers. "Tab", Sarah said,"what do you want to know first." Tab still stunned at this discovery of her just babbled. Sarah said rather annoyed,"Fine, I'll start at the beginning. When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much they hug in a special way and..." Tab immediately cut her off and said " Too far, Too much!" Sarah smirked and said, "Fine, I guess it started when you killed me."  
>To be continued...<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
>No heartbeat<p>

Tab suddenly remembered he had put a bullet in Sarah's heart long ago. Yet she stands here now...how? "No, you should be dead." "Well sorry sweetie sometimes life isn't fair." Sarah said in a condescending manner. "I was born with no heartbeat, well at least that is what the doctor first said. In reality I have a rare disorder where my heart is on the right side of my chest rather than the left. After that "incident" my superiors sent me to "Re-education camp for a few years where I met Julian, together we planned our escape and here we are took good care of me, better than you did I may add." "You know it wasn't like that Sarah!" Tab explained, "Langley sends the order and I carry them out, it wasn't personal. "Well it felt pretty fucking personal to me Tab.", Sarah yelled. "Anyways, we don't have anymore time for an episode of "The view". Sarah was right, Riley was waking up.  
>To be continued...<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
>Riley's Resurgence<p>

Riley had finally woke up now that the tranquilizer had worn off. He did not looked pleased. He was screaming something about "plant genocide?" When he had come to his senses he observed the cell he was being kept in. Made by the Titan Corporation it was impossible to break out of and... He just broke out! Tab and Sarah had to hunt down Riley to gun store where they had a firefight for a hour. When they caught him again they told him of Paradigm Shift and asked for his help in catching him. Riley rather bluntly said "Fuck off you bloody wankers!" Which was strange as he wasn't British. Tab needed Riley and if morals didn't work then he would strike at his ego. "Well then Riley, you're helping to create the worlds most feared terrorist." "The worlds second most feared terrorist." Riley corrected him, "I will always remain the first." "At this rate he will stop being compared to you and you will start being compared to him" Tab said trying to sound as serious as he could. Riley looked stunned, he paused for a few seconds until he finally muttered something to himself about "weeds?", and rather reluctantly said "Oh what the hell, I've always wanted to see how the other half lives."  
>To be continued...<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
>Welcome to the errr... Light side?<p>

Riley was now doing what but a few years ago people would have said could never happen. He was at CIA's headquarters in LA and was using all his contacts for info on Paradigm Shift. In a manner of minutes he had more information than the CIA could get in a hour to the point that Riley even knew the general part of LA the attack was going to take place. The problem was Riley wasn't talking. "Riley, tell us the location!" Said the lead interrogator. Riley just sat in silence until Tab walked in with Sarah telling the interrogator to take a break and that he had ways to make even Riley talk. The interrogator stepped out for some coffee and when he returned the room was empty. The worlds best assassin, spy, and terrorist had all just vanished into thin air.  
>To be continued...<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
>The good, The bad, and The Riley<p>

Tab had gotten them all out of CIA HQ in less than 10 minutes. Tab knew that Riley would never talk and would want to personally catch(probably kill) Paradigm Shift. Tab was now going to be hunted by his own people but he knew that there was no choice. Sometimes you have to break the rules to get the job done. Tab was now officially burned in the eyes of every pro-US government in the world. They were going to meet up with Julian at the safe house (they need guns, lots of guns). They had two hours until Paradigm Shift made his move and they needed to be ready for anything.  
>To be continued...<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
>Hello darkness my old friend<p>

Tab and the rest of his goofy(yet criminal) gang got to the safe house in about 30 minutes but with only an hour and a half left they needed to hurry. When they got there Julian looked rather serious which worried them. One step in the door and they understood why. Austin was there with a gun to Julian's head. Austin was Tab's old handler at the CIA until he had been assassinated while at vacation in Las Vegas while watching The Evil Dead theater performance. "Damn it", Tab said,"is everyone I know who is dead just going to show up!" Austin then looked behind Tab and said,"Actually..." Tab looked behind to see Eren Jaeger... Faker-Senpai...Gei-boi...Mrs. Machiosek's son... Brendan. At this point Tab wasn't really surprised anymore. "Great, we got the whole gang back together!" Tab said(Rather Sarcastically)." Ok so what in the name of all that is holy is everyone doing here!" "Tab you know exactly why everyone is helping, you think that the US will just give up after one city? If a successful terrorist attack goes off in a US city the United States will show you power you didn't even think was possible. How do you think a nation can be at constant war for the past 60 years?! If this attack happens you can go ahead and say goodbye to any illegal dealings in the good ol US of A. Me, Julian, Sarah, Brendan would all go out of business in a manner of months if not weeks! So Tim, are you with us or against us." Austin finally ended his rant with a cock of his gun to Julian's head(which didn't seem to faze Julian). Tab said " Obviously I don't care who helps me as long as we get the job done, hell I even got Riley out of his own personal hell to help me. With a look of satisfaction Austin lowered the gun and Brendan relaxed. "Ok Riley now tell us, where is the attack going to happen?" Spoke Tab with an air of authority.  
>To be continued...<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12  
>Sacrifice<p>

They had 30 minutes until this Biological equivalent of a nuclear bomb went off smack dab in the middle of LA and still didn't have a plan. Riley had said that Paradigm Shift may have bought some muscle to protect the bomb until it went off. When they got there they realized that "some muscle" meant at least 30-40 guys on each floor. With only 25 minutes remaining they decided brute force seemed the fastest way up, looked like things were about to get exciting. On the first floor they had the element of surprise and got through them rather easily. But as they got higher they had more close calls. They had only 15 minutes but had only cleared the bottom half of the building, at this rate they would never find the bomb in time. It was decided that they would have to split into 2 teams with Tab leading Sarah and Julian in Alpha team and Austin leading Brendan and Riley on Bravo team. Riley said something about a few favors he had called in that was about to arrive shortly. Alpha team decided to scale the side of the building with hooks and ropes, as they ascended they could hear the screams of Riley's Victims. At the top of the building they surprisingly encountered no enemy resistance at all. They all kept their guard up in case it was an ambush and proceeded to clear the top floor. They looked and they looked but couldn't find the bomb. They finally found it on the second highest floor and were about to defuse it when they got hit with an ambush. It was well thought out and they were completely surrounded with low ammo. Tab knew they were screwed but at that exact moment Tab learned the meaning of a favor. Riley, Austin, and Brendan were wearing prototype full exo-suits(these things had built in machine guns, grenade launchers, even a flamethrower) and cleared the whole floor in seconds. Julian got up and went to fist bump one of the suits but instead got a bath in napalm. Tab and Sarah had ducked into cover before the hail of bullets had cut them down. "Why, are you doing this?!" Tab screamed. "Because, the world needs war!" Yelled Austin" The world is in a state of to much peace. Economies are failing worldwide, resources are running low, and the population is at its tipping point. The world is brewing for a good war and I will be the one who supplies it with one. Good will come from this in the long run and if I happen to own the bullets and the bandages and make a crap ton of money who cares?" While Tab and Austin were arguing Sarah knew that the armor on those suits were impenetrable to regular firearms and would need a anti-tank gun to be taken out... Or maybe explosives? Sarah knew what had to be done as she grabbed all the C-4 out of the bag and primed it to go off. Tab didn't know what was happening until it was too late to stop her. Sarah had ran directly at Brendan and shoved him into Austin and with a final wink to Tab detonated the explosives.  
>To be continued...<p> 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13  
>A final showdown<p>

"No no no no no no!" Tab yelled. Why does everyone near me always die he thought. No, there will be a time to remember the fallen but now wasn't it. There was still one thing standing between him and the bomb. There was only five minutes left until  
>detonation. "So Riley, did Paradigm ever exist or was he created by your lackeys over there." Tab spoke with pure hatred. Riley laughed and said He had planned everything, even his own death and eventual return and that Paradigm Shift was the name of agent from world war 2 that supposedly operated with ruthless efficiency and was a man that Riley looked up to.(Paradigm had gone missing in 1942) Tab had lured Riley far enough from the bomb that he could defuse it but just as he got there he was shot in the shoulder by Riley. It would seem all was lost as Riley stood triumphantly over Tab, protected from the imminent biological catastrophe by his suit. "Any last words tab?" Riley said. "Yes, who's that?" Tab said while pointing to the hallway. Riley turned around to see but a flash of light and warmth on his chest. To weak to move he could only watch as the man pulled a strange sword that cut through armor like butter and pierced him right through the heart. And like that the man who started it all was dead. Tab was already to weak to move but before he even noticed he saw the man disarm the bomb in a matter of seconds and he started to walk away. In Tabs final moment he asked who the man was. The man turned back and threw him a medal. On the medal it said "In honor of service to the United States of America we award this medal to Pak code name Paradigm Shift" and with that Tab died.<br>To be continued?


	14. Chapter 14

Epilogue

Breaking News  
>A terrorist attack was thwarted today by the CIA after one of their agents had gone rouge and was found to be internationally wanted terrorist Paradigm Shift. In a brief interview with the Director at the CIA he said he was "shocked that one of their agents had broken out a fellow terrorist and was working with burned spies and a russian assassin." In other news...<p>

The End


	15. Chapter 16

Austin- CodeName Shepard scored very low in stealth, assassination, persuasion, and undercover work but scored the highest the boys at Langley had ever seen in Data Collection and Analysis and the Farm decided to make him a handler. He was soon one of the best with many agents refusing to take more dangerous missions without him. He was supposedly killed when one of his own agents turned on him.


	16. Chapter 17

Brendan-codename Little Bitch whined his way up to being the worlds bitchiest spy and worse league player WORLD. Sorry about that. Brendan-codename Black Knight was a name given to all agents who had the position before him. They were in charge of eliminating agents who had gone rouge whether they be from the CIA or any other agency. Life expectancy was extremely low but Brendan lived the longest until he and Shepard had killed each other. At least that is what the agency thinks happened.


	17. Chapter 18

Riley-Internationally wanted terrorist  
>No one really knows where Riley got his particular set of skills. Some say it was in the brushfire wars of Africa and others say it was fighting the russians in Afghanistan but nobody disagrees that he is one cold ass motherfucker. His expertise was blowing the side of skyscrapers launching hundreds of thousands of shards of glass on the civilians below. Wanted by almost every government on earth for crimes against humanity.<p> 


	18. Chapter 19

Julian- After joining the CIA after college Julian showed excellence in every regard except one, he would not kill. The CIA seeing him as such a great agent looked past this and decided to send him on deep cover assignments. After he spent 6 months with one of the most brutal dictatorships in the world he came back a changed man. He soon asked for assassinations and had lots of collateral damage on every job. The CIA decided Julian code name Groundhog had lost it and decided to "eliminate" him. They sent 3 of their best agents though not Tab as he was off on  
>a mission and they were returned as bullet ridden corpses. The CIA decided not to pursue and left Julian to the wolves were he soon showed himself to be alpha.<p> 


	19. Chapter 20

Sarah-codename Akula was destined for life as an assassin. Expert marksman by 10, she was on her way to a competition when tragedy struck. Both her parents were killed by a failed US assassination attempt on a russian agent who was in the lane next to them. Feeling sadness for the girl he adopted her and trained her in the art of killing. By the time she joined KSB she was already a master of stealth and assassination. She was probably the best in the world until Tab graduated at Langley, Virginia.


	20. Chapter 21

Weed- The last survivor of the lawn mower incident. Already SEEDING the FRUITS of his revenge. SEE WHAT I DID THERE JAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJ  
>HUE<p> 


	21. Chapter 22

Pak- CodeName Paradigm Shift  
>Pak was born in shdvekelwodbhs after ddhwvwidb disbwieib eievwhiwj<p>

Wuwoev dissgwhisidhhwcaosbwcwfias

Diahwh

DATA CORRUPTED


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